My Past..

Now I’m here.. Sitting and remembering all things that had passed by. All chances that I’ve been rejected.. Think about the chance that I’m not brave enough to take..

God, did I do some mistakes? Let the chances that You have given to me to passed by..

God, am I stupid?

God, did I move away from Your plan?

People asked me repeatedly.. Are you sure that you’re not going to be involved? And then surely I said, “Yes, I’m sure.” But, deep inside my heart I say, ‘Yes, I would..’ But then I think again, can I do it? I’m pretty busy right now..

My logic said NO..

My friends in my university would say that I’m crazy if I take it..

But, deep inside my heart I say, “Yes.. I’d like to do it.. But...”  And finally it’s always ended by the words “but” that makes me confidently said “NO.”

People might think that I’m crazy that I would add some additional work to my busy days. But, these additional works are actually something make me proud. Some kinds of work that make me feel alive. Some kind of work that make me smile during my boring habitual work.

Oh God.. What have I done? Did I make a new misatake to every chance that You had given to me? Now I look back. You had offered to me so many chances to work in Your field. But, I’m so afraid.. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to do that. I’m afraid that I couldn’t spare time wisely to do all of my works.. I’m sure sure that I qualified enough for that..

So, God... Please give me some wisdom to listen to Your plan. Give me some wisdom so that I could decide something right. Give me Your strength and ability to do all the things that You have trusted to me..

And now, as I look back, I feel pity of all things that I have confidently rejected. But somehow, I also realized that I can’t turn back the time and change the situation. No one can go back, no one can change the past. Yeah, that’s true.. 

So, what can I do now is to have more wisdom, to have stronger belief that before any offer or something I called as “additional work” come to me, You have already prepared a way to me so that I will be able to do it. And as that time come, i will say “YES, I would” confidently and leaving no regret in the future..

Yeah, I think that’s all. Now, it’s time to past my past. It’s time to move forward. It’s time to continue my life without stuck on the past. It’s time to let it go.. Thanx God for remembering me how my past looked like, how I doubt myself, and how I fool and lie my own feeling.. Hope it would be the hard lesson that could build me up.

Nobody can go back to the past and start a new beginning. But everyone can start today and make a new ending.